Last night of Oslo

After the wonderful sightseeing tour I stayed to have a bit of a nibble in T.G.I. Fridays and wasn't impressed with the speed of service, or the price but then that's Oslo all over ha ha.

Walking back it was impossible not to spot the corner-stop-women of Oslo. For their part I found them much more conservatively dressed than their English counterparts, but more frequent, more tolerated and also, as far as I spotted, completely of a black skin tone. There is always of course the argument that I only spotted the coloured ones, but in my defence all I'm saying is that it was that group that was making itself known much easier and not the any other race. Oh and they were more sort of walking a route rather than loitering in any single particular spot.

When I got back to my hostel room I decided to try and get an early night and noticed that someone else temporarily been using my bed.

Feeling that they were less likely to turf me out or argue if I was asleep at the point of them returning, I just got ready for the morning and then laid down for a doze.

About an hour or so later a group of three Germans came in, fresh from a recent hiking expedition, and it was one of them that had been using my bunk.

After a bit of a conversation I calmly explained that I had been here for the whole weekend and that apart from the sheets being slightly dishevelled it was the same as I had left it that morning. To which their reply was that the hostel cleaner must had removed my sheets in error as when they arrived it looked like a completely empty room.

Thankfully as I had made the fortuitous decision to already be in the bed when they arrived, so regardless of the fact we were both technically in the right, it was them and not me that was having to go back down to reception at 11pm at night and try to get another set of sheets without paying for them.

The bus back to the airport left about 5 minutes before the station coffee shops opened up, and the airport restaurant did not open up until the afternoon so I was completely unable to get anything hot for breakfast before the long flight back.

Once back in England I managed to pause in Bishop Stortford to spend an hour or so with my brother in law, who together with my sister recently moved across there, having managed to find a pub just outside the station. There we supped a couple before jumping back on the train and then back to reality and an afternoon or work before home, unpacking and my own bed.

As a small point although I consider myself a rare drinker he said that my visit was the first time he had entered into a pub in his new town. Thanks mate, what a great thought to leave me with!!!

Oslo Highlights in 7 1/2 hours

Wow, I just finished the best day trip tour that I believe I have ever been on.

 

So much of it is still circling around my hear and with so much stuff learned it would take me at least 14 hours to detail it all in enough detail to do it even a slight bit of justice. It was the first time that I have ever been in so many museums in one day and felt rushed in all of them, often I feel we are being left too long.

 

Instead I will post here links to the various parts so that you can read them later if you so chose.

 

7,5-hour guided tour by sailing ship and coach visiting the fjord, on board we will serve you a buffet of shrimps for lunch, then we visit the Polarship Fram, the Maritime Museum and the panoramic movie, the Kon-Tiki Raft, the Norwegian Folk Museum, the Vikingships, the Holmenkollen Ski Jump with Museum and the Vigeland Sculpture Park.

Oslo Fjord Boat Sight Seeing - this is a link to the original sightseeing tour operator

Norwegian Maritime Museum - this is a link to the Norwegian Maritime Museum

Kon-Tiki Museum - this is a link to the Kon-Tiki Museum where you can find all about Thor Heyerdahl and his various expeditions. This wild haired excentric not only dared to challenge the established archaeological and historical fraternities but had the courage to put his theories to the test, with spectacular and successful results.

Polar Ship Fram Museum - this is a link to the Fram Museum where you can find all about Roald Amundsens and his various polar expeditions, as well as actually step onboard the very ship that they used and has travelled to both furthest north and furthest south. Also read how Amundsen beat Scott to the Antarctic but lost his own life a many years later in the North Pole while mounting a rescue mission for his lost airship crew.

Viking Ship Museum - this is a link to the Viking Ship Museum, and here you have three actual wooden viking ships that were found in burial mounds. The vikings believed in very similar after-life beliefs to the Egyptians and so they too buried their rulers with ship, servants, furniture and provisions for their journey and new life.

Norwegian Folk Museum - this is a link to the Norwegian Folk Museum. Plenty of great examples of ancient and medieval buildings.

Holmenkollen Ski Jump - this is a link to the Holmenkollen Ski Jump & Ski Museum.

Vigeland Sculpture Park - this is a link to the Vigeland Sculpture Park, where his "circle of life" theme runs throughout.

I am so glad now that I remained in Oslo to take this tour and did not go over to Bergen as then I would have missed out on a wonderful and truly educational tour.

From the tour I also learned that Oslo is the second largest European city by land mass, behind Moscow, although it only has a population of 1/2 a million people.

It has more boats per-capita than any other country on the planet ( no wonder that harbours / docks that I mentioned earlier were so full ).

Norway was also under viking Rule until the bubonic plague wiped out 70% of the countries population, and then was owned / occupied by Danish and then Swedish rule before once again regaining its Independence barely 100 years ago.

Oslo is dead on Sunday Night

My hostel room has three new female guests, one French and two Swedish.

 

I've just realised that for the first time I cant remember there being any Australians here, but then with the weather being cold and wet I am not at all surprised.

 

After watching Pirates of the Caribbean 2 for the second time I returned to the hostel and dozed for a bit.

 

After the rain outlasted me I decided to brave a light drizzle and try to seach out that Rock Club that I noticed earlier, only to find it was almost completely empty. Just as a precaution I had taken out most of my money incase any other insane urges might creep into my psychi, but thankfully not.

 

Went back to the hostel, avoiding the street corner women as best I could, and being a cold, dark and wet Sunday night they were not making any real effort to do anything other than keep to the dry doorways.

Another Day in Oslo

Well the trip to Bergen has to be booked a week in advance, so it is clear that it will not be happening to me this time round, but I have not a lot against Norway so it's on a much smaller list of places I would strongly consider coming back to one day.

What this does mean is that I am still in the city centre for another couple of days, which should give me time to take a few more pictures, maybe see another movie and sample some classic Norwegian gourmet delights.

Fjord Shrimps I have no idea how the locals could get as beefy as Viking warriors eating these, even if they did perhaps get their wenches to peel them from their shells.

The ones served to me on a plate were mostly female as they still had hundreds of tiny eggs wrapped up tightly in between their multitude of legs. Having never eaten shrimp eggs before I was not sure if this was a local delicacy or just testimony to how fresh they were, but after tasting just a few I decided that for me they were just garnish and to be left on the side of the plate with the broken shells and heads.

I did a bit more wandering up and down but never seemed to get lost, which I can only put down to there being a massive coastline that always gives a fixed point of reference. As does the super huge Radisson Hotel which literally towers above everything else for miles around.

Might try a rock/metal club tonight and the museums tomorrow as mixed weather has made me not want to spend too much time outside in one go.

Hostel Guests

During my first full day in Oslo I have already mentioned that I found a good many places that I would want if I was ever to stay in a city for along time.

 

Although I had not visited the many museums and galleries I did get to see where they were, and took a few photos from the outsides. The thing that impressed me a lot was the large amount of water features the city displayed. Certainly many cities had water fountains but this city seemed to have them at every other corner or junction and of vary varying design.

 

However none had the simple yet fascinating feature that Singapore had, where timed jets of water would be shot up into the air to cross each other and occasionally would hit their opposing jets and fall majestic to the ground.

 

The film that I was watched in the cinema was "Miami Vice" a rather good effort and a flick I could watch more than once, if enough time had passed between viewings.

 

When I returned to my hostel room I entered to see that it was full with other guests all sitting on bunk beds chatting with each other and when I walked towards my own bunk one of the girls I had noticed before stood up and said in a half mocking tone that I snored very loudly and had woke her up halfway through the night.

 

There was nothing I could really say to this, apart from apologising and then introduced myself to the other roommates. The girls were in their mid twenties from Poland and the guys were of the same age but from France.

 

For some reason the language that they were all speaking in was English, which goes further to suggest that regardless of other countries disliked for it, they had all learned English and chose freely to speak it here together, even before I was present in the room.

 

For over an hour we chatted about humour, languages, travels and Oslo, as well as that no one else seemed to know that there was another airport slightly further away but still within reach of Oslo if you didn't mind the long coach journey.

 

When we discussed the various attractions of Norway it was suggested to me that instead of staying in Oslo for my entire weekend, that I should travel to Bergen on a 7 hour trip that took me high into the mountains and across the fjords.

 

This way not only would I see much more of the country, but I would actually get to try some genuine authentic Norwegian food and also that a trip to Norway without the fjords is like a trip to China without the Great Wall! Thus encouraged I have now determined that if I can spend the night over in Bergen today I will come back across the Fjords on Monday and then returning to London on Tuesday morning.

 

Finally the two guys returned to their party, the girls got ready for an early start tomorrow and I took a shower before venturing off into the night to see what mischief I could get up to next.

A very great disappointment

I have always tried to live my life by following the motto "never say never and try anything once then twice if you enjoyed it".

 

Well there is something that I tried last night that was such a total and complete disappointment that I will not be trying again in many a year.

 

In my thirty years I had not yet been inside a Go Go Bar, and as this was a country where you can see right inside the adult shops in the high street, unlike the UK where the windows have to be dark and non-asuming, I felt that if any club would be worth visiting then here would be the place to do it.

 

"What a mistaka ta maka"

 

( note for any readers, I will be deliberatly more vague and non specific as I do not want to have my blog black listed any more than it already is, but it is never the less all true and as I say, I will not be repeating the experience any time in the near future ).

 

The String Bar which was located near my hostel had a single red neon sign in the shape of a lady leaning against a wall. The website hinted at many no longer forbidden desires and enticed you with prices that were lower than others of the same ilk and a wide variety of stage dancers at regular intervals.

 

The reality was a tiny bar, no bigger than the hostels reception desk, and a few adjoining lounges, seperated by thin curtains that had to be paid for before they were pulled closed.

 

None of the prices that were on the website had any meaning as their menu style price guide was totally of a different calibre and would still be high if you removed a zero from the price ( i.e. hundreds of krona instead of thousands !!! ).

 

Only four women were parading inside the club that night and of them, two were some what older than I would have suspected, two were larger than I would normally enjoy looking at, and the only one with ample up top was only so through inplants.

 

Most of the performers had the vague look of boredom and were noticible catty towards each other, and when one came up to you if you were not fast with the talk and the krona they were just as fast to leave as to arrive.

 

Following the rule other motto of "in for a penny, in for a pound" I allowed myself to be talked into going to a private lounge with one of the artists after purchasing a bottle of wine more expensive than most champaignes I have ever tried.

 

After some get-to-know-you general chit chat, that was all to keep saying 'cheers' and downing some of the wine, it was a half hour before it was here turn to take the pole and do her performance. The wine had gone to both our heads slightly, as she was just the tiniest bit off balance to start with when she was spinning, or perhaps that was just my vision!?!

 

The routine lasted a couple of songs and succeeded in removing most of her attire, but I would not say that it was particularly overly provocative and I have had more reaction from just a look or a hug from other women in other not too dissimilar situations.

 

The work out must would no doubt sobered her up a bit, as when she came back she was a little more business like and even managed to get me to rejoin her back in the private lounge. In complete honesty, she held out a hand towards me as as soon as I took it she literally dragged me out of the chair and headed off towards the back room, thus she was making her move very clear.

 

In the cool clear light of day I know for 100% certain that I was very drunk, even after just having a few glasses of the wine, as when she told me the price for a private dance I did not choke and spray half her with my drink in sheer disbelief. It is of my firm opinion that they must have been lacing my two cokes with something or else that the wines were more than 80% rocket fuel, as despite my normal cautious self I accepted even this.

 

And this is where the disappointment became total. The last time that I was this much let down was when I found out that Santa Claus did not exist, but was instead my parents.

 

For more than a cost of a first class ticket from Beijing to Seoul, she danced, twirled, jived and reduced her clothes while all the time both enticing me and pushing me away or saying that I was not to do this or that. These non-allowances would have been better if she had handcuffed me, as an police officer was her now disrobed appearance, but instead I was just getting annoyed.

 

The final insult and which was like being showered with a cold bucket of water, was when I semi-drunkenly said that 'she was good'. Her mood shifted completely and got all defensive, saying that it was as if I was comparing her with a woman of the night, and that she did not do this with all her clients.

 

Even in my state I could not reconcile this outright and blatant lie ( mixed with her offish attitude ) as she would of course perform almost the exact same routine for anyone regardless of age, looks or personality as long as they was willing to stump up the cash in advance.

 

With this blow to my mood, I allowed her to finish, said a quick fairwell and then headed off back to my hostel, already cursing myself for having not left earlier and thinking the only salvation was that it would make a half decent blog entry if only I could phrase it correctly so that it was not instantly banned.

Norway ... Almost perfect

I've found a place that I really feel that I could fit in well with, and I've only been here a day.

Sure I don't speak any of the lingo, but there are enough people that speak English here not to make it a problem.

The women are great to look at, the men aren't ugly ( which helps when you try to make friends by the way ), the streets are clean and very wide, there are plenty of rock and metal joints, goatee beards are quite the norm for the usual folk and I have easily found most of the places I would need to live somewhere already.

The cinema is in a good location, so is the billiard house, the rock clubs, English restaurants and bars ( well Irish which is a better choice if you ask me ) and the public transport system looks easy enough to get to grips with so far.

In fact, there is only one thing wrong with it ... the prices. I am not surprised that people say that Norway is expensive, when you consider that a coke in the billiard hall cost me almost £2.95 or 350 Krona and that's expensive if you ask me.

So not a place you could retire to for a modest living, but if your a high flying yuppie with enough money and sense not to want to live in London all your life then this is a place I would strongly recommend.

I found some mini locks, and as I keep losing keys I prefer the 3 tumbler jobbies, even if this is possible to crack with enough time and patience. I have always said that you can't really beat a determined thief no matter what you do ( armed guards and dogs included ) but you can put off the opportunist who is trying their luck.

I am slightly saddened that I can't seem to switch off my own spider sense, or Dickon sense. The worst part of my billiard game is that I cannot ignore what is going around me and focus on just my next shot. It is the small price I pay for being forever paranoid, but then after 30 years I'm better off generally with it than without it!!

I also found a McDonald's and its the best I've tasted so far - an easy 8/10. They served me in English, had plenty of choice on the menu and everything that I ordered was piping hot and not luke warm like I amaccustomedd to from years of living in the UK.

They lose the two points as 1) they did not have Ronald McDonald or the Hamburglar wearing any kind of Viking clothes or get up - a bigdisappointmentt as I still remember with fond memory of the McArabian in Cairo - and 2) the sauce on the Chicken Premier meal was so overpowering that it left the actual chicken itself with almost no taste.

I have not been to America yet, home of the McDonald's, but so far from around the rest of the world its a clear winner so far - and almost 100% improvement of the wishy washy burger I bought in neighbouring Sweden's Gotenborg.

Oslo Hostel

It is a good job that I have trained myself to get used to midnight strolls, or else the walk through Oslo city centre past midnight with just a small b&w map that I printed off the internet might have made me nervous.

 

But I agree with all the psychologists who say that predators can sense fear and so the best way to combat it is to build up a resiliance against such threats ( and anyone who has suffered Gillingham at night will know exactly what I mean ).

 

Thus, thanks to my previous encounters I made good time, and depsite taking an initial wrong turn ( and anyone who knows me will not find that in the least surprising, ha ha ) I still reached the hostel before a couple of other guests did who arrived on the same flight and waited to catch a taxi from the coach station.

 

When I reached the hostel, going past many clubs, cafes and restaurants, I was glad to see that it was a large place with a 24 hour reception and all lit up and inviting.

 

I wasn't so thrilled to learn that nowhere accepts or exchanges euro's ( except back at the main bus station ), that I had to rent the hostel linen sheets or that the lockers did not actually come with locks. But exhaustion got the better of me, so after making my bed, I placed my valuables in the bed with me and hoped that they were all still there in the morning when I woke up. And they were.

 

Note for future to all travellers ... remember to find the best airport for your trip, not always the cheapest ( as that often means yet more hours of travelling to reach your destination AND hours extra to get home again ) , print off and study route to get to hotel / hostel from airport / drop off point and carry along a couple of spare mini padlocks just in case.

 

The room was a mixed 6 person dorm, with the basics and I was temporarily sharing it with a couple of women and a couple of guys.  I guess that it was a pretty popular place as their was a sign selotaped to the door saying that it was full up that day, only the sign and the selotape showed signs of age - so again I'm guessing that its been booked almost solid for so long that they dont even bother to take it down when a bunk becomes available.

 

In the morning I set off around 10am in search of exchanging some euros for kronas as well as to scope out the city and maybe even buy a mini padlock !!!

Arriving in Oslo

My flight at 6.50 was going to be the tightest squeeze yet to catch as, thanks to my amazing boss, regardless of me coming in 1 1/2 hours early and working most of my lunch hour as well ( and lets for forget its a Friday anyway ) I was allowed to leave at 4.00.

 

Considering that Stanstead Airport is on a tight schedule route of a minimum of 45 minutes away from Liverpool Street and that itself is a few stops away by tube, it was only through the fact that it was delayed in opening up that I managed to even check at all.

 

To their credit, Ryanair realised that there was a bit of a delay and so even opened up an extra two check in desks on the reverse of the original one, which was a big time saver.

 

Waiting at the gate to board the plane we noticed that the luggage handlers were not the gentlest when it came to stowing away our bags and I was glad that I carried nothing fragile with me. Then seconds before we entered, and I am guessing he did it just to break the monotomy, the luggage driver began to circle his little wagon train. It was like something out of a b&w Laurel and Hardy movie, and I was cursing that I had already switched off my camera as certainly it would have been worth filming for a good laugh.

 

The flight left late and was going to be arriving around 10pm in Oslo. There are barely a few things prettier in the world than a deep red sky sunset above the cloud level, where you dont have anything to get in the way from the breathtaking view. I pity all the passengers on the right side of the plane who missed this glorious vista.

 

During my flight I could not help but think of what kind of signal honor I could give to Oslo, being my twentieth country to be visited. quotes like "one small step", "Hereeeeeees Dickon" or dancing a jig all seemed a bit clique, so in the end I made up a funny verse to the tune of "Maybe its because im a londoner" which went something like this.

 

"Maybe it's because I'm from Gillingham,

That I love travelling so.

Maybe it's because I'm from Gillingham,

that i think of her, and just have to go.

I get a sickie feeling inside of me,

just walking up and down.

Oh maybe it's because I'm from Gillingham

that I hate my home town"

 

Maybe not the most original, but then nowadays everything you can possibly think of has been done to death anyway, so you may as well recycle a good idea into something different and put your own spin on it, I always say.

 

Before I landed I realised that Ryanair seem to use out of the way airports in ALL their flights, with Oslo city centre being almost 2 hours away by express bus. Just glad that they held it up due to the late take off or else we would all have been fighting for taxi's at this late hour.

 

When I arrived at Oslo I could hav been forgiven for mistaking that I had landed in some sort of showroom heaven. The bus journey was along many main roads and on either side could be seen massive, glass encased showroom after showroom of all things from campervans, cars, boats, hotels, computers and that was jut the ones I took pains to remember.

 

Everything was well lit, looked modern and clean in a way that even made Sweden look old and made London look just a bunch of semi-modern buildings planted in amidst a crumbling town.

 

The only other thing that I really notices ( apart from the moron sitting behind me who decided that 11.45 in a darkened coach full of tired passengers was the ideal time to listen to his non-personal stereo ) was the huge marina to my left.

 

Row upon row upon row of tightly packed boats, all ranging from single man to maybe a seven man craft, were moored up side my side along the tiny pontoons. I estimated that the rows were at least 15 boats long, both sides and thus there could not have been less than 400 and maybe as many as 1000 or more.

 

Finaly the coach stopped just inside the main station and then I made my way to my hostel.